Untangling Love's Blind Spots
Let's talk about the latest Bad Millennial episodes 20 & 21 :D And more!
May is mental health awareness month, among many others. But I wanted to highlight mental health because my latest guest, Trevor Gravesande IV, spills his thoughts on what mental necessities one needs to arm themselves with when searching for love. It’s not about the fancy car or impressive job title. It’s about what you’re ready for mentally, and how you connect with others emotionally. All those accolades and physicalities are here today, gone tomorrow. What’s really going to stick? What makes love last in the long haul? Well, these are questions that seem to have several answers. Let’s tackle a few.
How do you make a match stick?
My guest has a closer relationship to matches thanks to his brother Clay recently starring on Love Is Blind, a Netflix reality show that blindly matches couples who are searching for that forever love and heading to the alter, sight unseen. A revelatory concept at first, but now after a few seasons (I hear they’ve already shot seasons 7 and 8), the magic has completely vanished with (mostly male) cast members being catfished online and pressured into appearing on the show while other contestants only want a claim to fame, not marriage. What began as a promising revelation has resulted in numerous lawsuits, poor working conditions, and abuse allegations.
So, how do you make a match stick? You don’t play with the horrible odds stacked against you by going on a reality TV show. Nor do you solely rely on swiping into oblivion on every app that promises you’ll find someone that’s right for you.
Here’s Trevor’s take:
Trevor says that the key to truly finding love is to first loving yourself. Being whole and happy for yourself first is the best shot you have at getting to know someone else in the same way. Finding someone with a similar mindset and values is crucial for a successful relationship.
Approach dating with lower expectations. “I came back with new standards in the sense of, I'm not gonna put pressure on myself." It’s tiring putting yourself out there. It’s best to build yourself up and find happiness within yourself first so you’re prepared for the inevitable letdowns and missed connections.
Therapy is important (this should be number one…) for your dating journey. Self-discovery can lead to richer, deeper and long-lasting relationships than not knowing yourself ever could. Work on your self-esteem and mental health now rather than later when you’ve got more responsibilities and less time to meet yourself on your own terms.
My Bad POV:
The best things come to those who aren’t looking for them. An overused cliché, I know. But it’s true! When you don’t put pressure on the problem, the solution usually reveals itself pretty quickly. Relating that to dating… when you just come as yourself, with no false pretenses, people get to know you for you and fall for what truly matters.
Dating shouldn’t be seen as a race to get to the finish line of marriage. Nor should it be pursued just because everyone else is doing it or has a certain expectation of you ie. the infamous interrogations of “are you seeing anyone?” “when do you think you’ll get serious and settle down?” from family, friends, and complete strangers (often on the Internet). Ignore the noise, sidestep the mess, and listen to your heart first and always.
I don’t know how to wrap this up other than... check out Episode 20: A Guy’s Guide: Navigating Love’s Blind Spots & Episode 21: From Red Flags to Something More? for the other red (and green!) flags when it comes to dating and personal stories.
Other good shit I’m thinking about
The celebrity #blockout movement
…for those who haven’t posted enough about the Palestinian crisis online. Now I love a good social movement as much as the next person, but this feels like it peetered out as soon as it was announced. There’s no real tangible goals here, much like 2020’s black squares of performative allyship for #blackouttuesday and #blacklivesmatter. It doesn’t seem we’ve learned anything about the harmful effects of slacktivism in 2024 either. The purpose, I get. ‘Powerless’ folks want to feel heard and have a turn at steering the cultural wheel every once in a while. But social media itself is so performative and we have no clue what people are doing offline, IRL. Maybe these social trends should take a look into how they can create tangible good than being a top Twitter/TikTok hashtag for a few weeks…
Summer House: Martha’s Vineyard is having their first reunion soon
…now I was admittedly late to the SHMV frenzy of Bravo casting an all-Black cast for a summer getaway. I had heard about the other Summer House franchise and was just not into it. I’m a Real Housewives type of girl and investing in another Bravo franchise takes a lot of energy (I’m still recovering from my maddening sprint into all things Pump Rules after #Scandoval broke last year). So after the fans had made demands for there to be a reunion for season 2, and my girl Candiace shouting out this franchise from the rooftops, I had to go take a looksie… Binged in minutes and I’m already plotting out the seating chart in my head! If Preston doesn’t get one of the first chairs chile…
#RHOA’s Sweet Season Sixteen recast announced
…a shakeup that was bound to happen, the most fired housewife EVER, and some new peaches on the block hit the interwebs this week! I’m living for this ATL refresh. I’m excited for Kenya and Porsha (!!!) to lead the charge, take names, and snatch edges like they used to. Excited to see the sweetest peach Cynthia come back as a friend of and for Shamea to show us what she’s got as the newest full-timer. Always loved her energy and realness she brought to the show as Porsha’s bestie over the years. TBD on those other new peaches…
And that’s that!
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